YouTube will surely be the death of me and if you have kids at home, you’ve probably thought the same thing at some point if not daily. The annoyingly catchy phrase “Did you just assume my gender” has been a big hit in my house for sometime now. IYKYK! For those of you who don’t know, I would like to say, if you don’t read my ramblings to its entirety, don’t bother with having an opinion on them. Those that do and want to discuss them, please feel free to reach out. Would love to further talk about any of my life experiences and hear your perspectives.  

So Let Me Set The Scene:

My youngest and I had the opportunity to go on a Mom and Son date. He wanted a Poké bowl and because his older brother doesn’t like them, it was a perfect time for us to go and enjoy each other’s company while savoring a good Poke bowl. So we set off towards West End where there is a little establishment called “That Place in West End” (If you haven’t tried it, you should***). We ordered, sat down, got our food, and ate while enjoying some sunshine. Because it was such a beautiful day out we decided to take a walk up West End and explore. Immediately, we see a fun and creative store filled with what I can only describe as the contents of my ADHD brain, named “Collage” (another place, if you haven’t been, you should go check it out***). We take our time and we look around, going through each of the three rooms of randomness several times, trying to take in all of its uniqueness. Everywhere we looked there was more stuff to see but eventually we were able to pick out a few things we thought had to come home with us and headed to the register. After paying for the items, my youngest took initiative to pick up and carry our new found items out of the store and as we were leaving the nice lady commented, “She is so sweet”. We both just smile and I give my youngest a side hug to show them both that I’m extremely proud of him. Luckily, we made it out the door before the inevitable words came rushing out of my son‘s mouth. “Did they just assume my gender!?” We laughed as we carried on with our date.

Please allow me to briefly paint a picture of my Youngest – for years he has been the smallest kid in his class, has the brightest blue eyes, and constantly smiles like there is no such thing as a RBF. His hair is platted all the way down to his butt (my oldest is growing his out now as well, it’s cute). He loves his hair and has only had one haircut since he was born. While, I can’t and will not speak for him, I believe he loves his long hair because it is what sets him apart from the rest of the kids his age. At this point, even the girls in his class don’t have hair as long as his and none of them can say they have only had one haircut ever. He likes his uniqueness and since there are no negative health consequences, I’m here for it. He has strong and healthy locks that look amazing. More times than I can count, I have jokingly told him how there are so many people that spend hundreds of dollars to have hair like his. Really the only negative to his long hair is the occasional discomfort it causes to random people. Therefore, I continue my ramblings. 

Don’t get embarrassed when we are midway through a conversation and you realize I’m using he / him while you have been using she / her. We get it, long hair has been programmed into our brains to mean female and that is nothing to be embarrassed about. As socially awkward as I already am, there is no need to make any situation more awkward and apologies are just as unnecessary. Luckily my youngest knows who he is and finds it quite humorous to see how long it takes for people to realize he is indeed a boy. 

It’s been several years now since we have stopped trying to correct anyone that addresses my youngest in feminine pronouns for many reasons. The main reason being, as stated above, he knows he is all boy and doesn’t take a stranger’s perspective of his gender to heart. This topic has been discussed between my boys and I on numerous occasions and often concludes with the idea of receiving whatever positives that can come from these interactions. Choosing to take “She is so sweet” for the compliment that it was intended to be, ‘he is kind for carrying the items you just purchased’, instead of focusing on the silly misconception that because he has long hair, he must be a girl. Honestly, it is more important that she not only noticed his kindness but gave the extra effort to point it out, encouraging my son to be kind and helpful. It really is pointless and unnecessary to point out the incorrect assumption of gender. People tend to get embarrassed, then get upset or overly apologetic. Both situations are not helpful in any way so why bother, it literally changes nothing.

The biggest take away I have gotten from all of this comes from my sons. While discussing why assumption of gender is a thing and its purpose or lack of, both of my sons at an early age could not get past why people care so much about what anatomy they have under their clothes. (Obviously this has consequences for adults that choose to become intimate with each other, but that is not what this rambling is about nor is it a concept to my boys yet). Hearing my boys struggle with this made me realize that instead of teaching my boys to speak up for themselves by correcting a stranger, I was teaching them to take the most meaningless part and turn it into a confrontation. So I decided to switch it up and work on building their confidence and steering them to focus on the positives that these simple interactions can hold. 

My Point Being:

Who really cares! If you are addressing my sons based on what anatomy they have underneath their clothes then the real issue here is the fact that you are thinking about my sons in a way that you should not, which I would like to think is not the case. So please, say the thing with whatever pronoun you prefer or that comes to mind first, maybe you have daughters or sisters and are use to using she/her when seeing their long hair. Maybe your mother wore her hair in a plait everyday and so she/her rolls off your tongue without a second thought. What matters is that my sons hear that they are kind, brave, pretty (means the same thing as handsome at this age), or that they have nice hair, from someone other than their mom. It helps my sons grow into gentlemen every time a stranger points out how awesome they are for holding the door open for others. 

So please, when you catch yourself realizing mid conversation that I have been using he / him the whole time, don’t think twice about it. Know that we are too busy focusing on what you are actually trying to say to worry about the gender assumption that has been subconsciously chosen by whatever social perception equation your brain has formed. Trust me, there is no need to encourage this socially awkward momma to make things any weirder. 

FINAL NOTE:

— I don’t care what gender you are: male, female, anything in between, or none of the above. Humans are humans and we should all treat each other with kindness, respect, and love that we all deserve. As Tom McDonald says “I believe in two genders, I’m not mad at the rest”. Really tho, be whoever or whatever you want to be as long as it is not causing harm to yourself or others. 

*** Not paid supporters, just me supporting those I feel deserve it! Click arrow for more info.

That Place In West End
https://thatplaceinthewestend.com/y_source=1_MjU0NDAzMjQtNzE1LWxvY2F0aW9uLndlYnNpdGU%3D

Colage
https://www.facebook.com/collagews/

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– sorry NOT sorry –

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